Elections and other matters

 

I’m an election tragic. I take up my place on the lounge opposite the TV at 6pm on election night, turn to the ABC and don’t leave till the broadcast ends hours later. Interruptions are dealt with harshly. I have lots of nibbles and continuous cups of de-caf coffee or Dandelion Tea and will probably spend the hours knitting while I watch and listen.

I love the way Antony Green parses the results, the way the best ABC journalists and commentators handle the cut and thrust of the voting all around the country. I love listening to serving and former politicians waxing lyrical or looking worried depending on the vote as the coverage moves from electorate to electorate. I love the graphics which show the makeup of the lower house as the votes are counted and individuals can be linked to a parliamentary seat. This election is going to be particularly fascinating as the population’s apparent fondness for the so-called “teal” independents plays out, especially as I live in an electorate with a particularly well supported independent. It will also be interesting to see how the lower house voting paper is arranged and whether it might lead to so-called donkey votes favouring the less savoury small parties. With Clive Palmer’s United Australia Party having an innocuous or even encouraging name, is it possible that many Australians will vote UAP accidentally, so to speak?

Incidentally, how do you think people get up the telegraph poles to nail in the advertising for various candidates. Do people slink around in the dark of night carrying extremely long ladders? Or is it possible that the political establishment hires people who know how to shimmy up coconut trees to cut down the fruit?

Australia is a shining light electorally because in this country voting is compulsory. I have no idea why some countries – and the USA is the most prominent of these – permit their citizens not to choose a candidate but to choose whether or not to vote. It’s very odd. Surely the parliament should be made up of women and men chosen by all the people. I think so, but then again I didn’t study politics at university. There’s possible some fiendishly subtle argument for the US system; do let me know if there is.

I thought I’d come to the end of my extended coverage of fancy phrases, but I’ve found some more.

How about “it doesn’t cut the mustard”? There’s a vague suggestion of something extremely easy but when I’ve tried to argue this to the ground I can’t quite put my finger on it.

Then there’s “bright eyed and bushy tailed”, presumable a reference to some animal like a squirrel. But why a reference to a small evidently alert animal should lead to a generalisation about someone being ready with the right answers escapes me. I’m also unsure why I often berate myself by saying I’m a goose. Why a goose? Why not a two headed tiger or a tree frog? I’m also given to self-apostrophising myself as a “dipstick”. Hmmm!

Quite recently I heard someone referred to as a person who “really knows his onions”. Just where onions come into it is a mystery.

And another with a food reference: So and so “saved his bacon”. Why bacon? Why not chocolate cake or meat pie?

To continue the food theme, how about describing something as “spilled milk”. It could have been spilled porridge or whiskey or orange cordial.

I also came across an oldie I hadn’t heard for a while: He is “happy as Larry”. Why Larry? Is Larry that much happier than Jim or Bert, or for that matter Hermione or Myrtle?

I have a favourite phrase I use from time to time when commenting on some setback or another: “Well it’s better than a slap in the face with a wet fish”.

And my final offering: the oddest bad wish to someone you aren’t pleased with. “Up your nose with a rubber hose!”

 

Quote of the week from Chambers “Dictionary of Modern Quotations”:

US writer Laurence Stallings: “Hollywood – a place where the inmates are in charge of the asylum.”